1. “Friends” Who Gossip About Their Other Friends, To You.
Great. So, you’ve learned that Alice is divorcing her husband and expecting child #3? That’s a shame. She had it pretty well together, you know, back in high school, where you remember her from. Ben has tennis elbow and crabs? That’s unfortunate. But what’s up with you? Any cute guys/girls you’ve been talking to?
This friend gossips about any and every body and is skilled at making it seem like the person they are gossiping to is somehow exempt. This is to prevent us from figuring out what’s REALLY going on and banding together against this motormouth. Most of the questions he/she asks are geared at mining for information to spread to the rest of the circle. Always remember. If he/she is willing to spill the beans on everyone else to you, what is he/she saying about you to every one else?
2. “Friends” Who Don’t Invite You Out Anywhere
“Hey bestie!” they say right before they continue with “You should have gone to the bar with us on Friday. This guy had just won the lottery and bought everyone like 50 shots each! It was insane!”
You will never get the invite from this “friend”. Weekends will come and go, while while your phone collects dust as he/she parties, hikes, and does other extremely enjoyable things without you. The only way you’ll get to go to these amazing events is by inviting yourself. Who invites themselves to do things with their friends?
3. “Friends” Who Never Show Up
They’re always wanting to catch up, but the minute you show up to the movie theater your anxiety kicks in. Why? Because there’s a 95% chance that you’re going to end up standing in the lobby waiting for 20 minutes before they decide to text and let you know they’re not going to make it.
This “friend” doesn’t like to make plans at all, to be honest. They’re the type to call you on your lunch break begging you to hang out (What? You’re working? You have a job and responsibilities?). They have all the time in the world, so they tell you, to hang out, but they never show up. Not to the movies. Not to birthday parties. Not to weddings. Basically, don’t let this be your only friend if you’re stranded on the side of the road in “that part of town”.
4. “Friends” Who Only Call/Text You When They Need Something
You can go months, even years, without hearing from this basically-is-a-stranger person, yet they will still call you the second they need something, whether it’s cash or to borrow your VCR (Yes, that’s still a thing. People still ask for these things).
This “friend”, like stray dogs, was fed by you once. And now, no matter how many times you come up with an excuse not to part with your hard-earned money or personal belongings, they’ll always wait a few months to ask for something again.
5. “Friends” That Don’t Know How to Be Single
The two of you will be the best of friends, thick as thieves. At least you will be in between them searching for a new boyfriend/girlfriend.
This “friend” will go through several horrible relationships with only a month of “downtime” between each new relationship. As soon as they find a new bf/gf, they’ll completely disappear from your life until the inevitable breakup. To them, your role is meant to substitute that space meant to be filled by a significant other. Decide for yourself if you’re okay with that.
What do you think? Leave a Comment!