An Open Letter to Gay Guys Who Look Down On “Fem Guys”
Why Do Some Gay Guys Date…Themselves?
Straight Guys: What to do When You Get a “D**k Pic”
I Don’t Want to Go to Church. Stop Asking

“Never Make a Permanent Decision from a Temporary Issue”. It’s National Suicide Prevention Month.

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Simone Battle, known as a member of pop group, GRL and a finalist on the X Factor in 2011, was born in Los Angeles… June 17, 1989…

On September 5th…. Simone was found dead in her West Hollywood home, according to the Los Angeles Times …it’s been ruled as suicide. She was only 25.

In light of Simone’s truly unfortunate death, it’s also National Suicide Prevention Week and National Suicide Prevention Month…

I’ve lost friends to suicide…as I’m sure most people have. I’ve heard people call it a “weak ultimatum”…

You never know what someone’s going through…ever. Some people face their demons differently and sometimes…life gets too hard for some to handle.

Your life is important…regardless of what you’re told or how you feel. You’re important. If you have no one else… You can always call the Suicide hotline (800) 273-8255.

Don’t make a permanent decision over temporary issues… Everything is going to be alright.

You are loved and You are important. Spread the word. It’s National Suicide Prevention week: September 7th-14th AND September is National Suicide Prevention Month.

Open Letter to Bullies

A guest wears an anti-bullying button, which is the logo of the documentary film "Bully" at its Los Angeles premiere in Hollywood

It was so easy back then to pick on me. I was honestly an easy target. I was short, feminine, and wore a high top fade with nice clothes and a pair of Jordans for nearly every outfit. I was that gay kid you loved to hate. I had several all-female friends, the type of girls who wouldn’t give you the time of day. To you, I had it all.

Yes, it was so easy back then to hate me instead of getting to know me. I endured years of being teased, ridiculed, even threatened not just because I was gay or because I was different but because you thought I had it all.

You weren’t there to see my emotional breakdown at the age of 13. You didn’t hold my hand in therapy as I worked to put myself back together, as if I had any business trying to do that on my own. You weren’t there when I came out to my father, who threatened to kill me. You weren’t there when I contemplated drowning myself because I just couldn’t deal with it anymore, living in a world where I random people hated me for no reason and wished ill of me and where family members threatened to murder you for being yourself.

I got the standard-level insults like “faggot”, “sissy”, and “queer” on an every day basis. In time, I learned to deal with those words, but it came with a price. I didn’t pursue sports for fear of being in the locker room with other boys who thought I would be checking them out, despite my desire to play sports such as football and basketball.

Back then, I couldn’t understand why you hated me so much. Had I done something to honestly deserve this? I was a quiet kid who kept to himself, who was at an awkward time in his teenage life and wanted to be left alone.

Even now, when I see you in supermarkets and shopping centers with your children, you stop and glare at me just like you did in all of those years. And my muscles still tense up a bit when you do. Here we are, adults in ours 20s, and you still have a problem with me? The person who maybe, at best, said 3 words to you from 6th all the way to 12th grade? I went through hell for 6 years simply because you had some strange anger-obsession with me and didn’t know how to deal with it.

But I became something so much more because of you. I dealt with the bullying from 6th grade all the way to my senior year in high school, and as time went on I came to understand my purpose in life, that people like me are necessary. Because they show people who they truly are. You wasted so much of your life hating mine. I couldn’t imagine living that way, allowing someone who has done nothing to you to have that much power over you.

I’ve learned that some of us are like mirrors. People look at us and see themselves for who they truly are on the inside. And instead of changing what they don’t like, they simply curse the mirror.

Get Into the KTookes Spot Interview: Creator and Host Kenneth Tookes!

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Last week, I had the opportunity to interview the extremely dope and innovative, Kenneth Tookes II. The host of the hot and fresh YouTube show, The KTookes Spot! The show is self-described as a show that “talks about life and entertainment news from my perspective mind! Giving you reviews on music, television shows, books, etc”. The KTookes Spot is indeed a well-rounded show in its own right, as it discusses everything in entertainment. Speaking with Tookes, I was pleasantly reminded that there are still vloggers that want to spread positive vibes and not just report any and everything for good “ratings” Get to know KTookes below!

Ayanna Alexander: If you had to give a brief description of yourself what would you say? Who exactly is Kenneth Tookes II?

Kenneth Tookes II: Okay. Who I am? I am very serious but funny. I’m brutally honest… But at the same time, I don’t want to be too serious. If I had to choose one, I would say sweet and honest. I’m shy but when people get to know me, I’m different.

AA: I’m the exact same way! I’m an introvert but then you get to know me and I’m loud *laughs*

KT: *laughs* right!

AA: Now, you have a show called The KTookes Spot. What is it and where did it start? Why did you choose to do this show?

KT: What made me start was because I got tired of seeing people talk about the same thing, ya know? I wanted to recognize Indie artists and hardworking celebs..I wanted to give them a chance to shine. I launched the show on December 2, 2012 and I love that I have control to talk about what I wanna talk about. I like doing album reviews. I like that everything is my own perspective. I don’t do this show to bash anybody..I mean why do that when you can be your true and honest self and be positive while doing it?

AA: How did you get started with The KTookes Spot?

KT: Good question! Brandy Norwood *chuckles*. I’m a huge Brandy fan! It’s like, she started very young and still wanted to figure out who she was. I mean she just felt like me…like a kindred spirit. So, I was able to start an episode on her and everything else just fell into place.

AA: *laughs* I love Brandy too! But describe your typical day on The KTookes Spot.

KT: Okay, let’s see. I write my show ideas in my composition book. I check the lighting and camera angles. I say a quick prayer and add a small pep talk. I record in my own house. Then, I promote it. Most importantly, I leave it alone. I mean, you film things and find mistakes after you send it and you’re afraid your audience won’t like it, but it is what it is, so I don’t touch it anymore after I send it out.

AA: What would you say to anyone who wants to have their own show? How would they get started?

KT: I’m still developing but make sure you have a concrete and plan! Have a blueprint. Be confident! People will judge you anyways. I was scared, but when I put my foot down, I felt better. What do you have to lose? Be comfortable with yourself and know your point.

AA:  Okay final question. Where does your buzz come from?

KT: Twitter *laughs* but I was also friends with celebs before twitter. Like when MySpace was hot? *laughs* I built many celeb frowns ships since I was a fan of music.

All in all, Kenneth Tookes II is a force to be reckoned with. He’s a self starter and a motivator, with a positive spirit. You’ll be hearing a lot more about him in the near future!

KTII

If you want to know more about KTookes, follow him on Twitter and Instagram and watch The KTookes Spot!

 

 

Schwarzenegger’s Expendables 3 Character Could Be Gay

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Could Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character in the ultra-macho, ultra-compensating “Expendables 3″ movie be gay? Many signs are pointing to yes.

According to an interview with Director Patrick Hughes left many wondering as he sort of dropped the ball about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character sharing an intimate relationship with Jet Li’s character by the end of the film.

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Virginia Is For Lovers?!: VA Strikes Down Gay Marriage Ban!

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The LGBT scores once again in Virginia a little under a week ago…or did they? On July 28, 2014, Virginia decided to strike down The Marshall-Newman Amendment, better known as the Virginia Marriage Amendment.

What Was The Ban?

The Marshall-Newman Amendment defined marriage to only be between one man and one woman. Want the actual text?

“Only a union between one man and one woman may be a marriage valid in or recognized by this Commonwealth and its political subdivisions. This Commonwealth and its political subdivisions shall not create or recognize a legal status for relationships of unmarried individuals that intends to approximate the design, qualities, significance, or effects of marriage. Nor shall this Commonwealth or its political subdivisions create or recognize another union, partnership, or other legal status to which is assigned the rights, benefits, obligations, qualities, or effects of marriage.”

 

Heavy, right? This Amendment was ratified on November 7, 2006.

Things Start to Change…

Almost a full 8 years later, on February 13, 2014, a U.S. District Court in Norfolk, VA, ruled the amendment to be unconstitutional in the Bostic v. Rainey case– However, the judge on this particular case stayed her ruling pending appeal. It was 5 months later that the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals issued a 2-1 opinion, upholding the lower court’s decision. This mean the ban was lifted… PARTY!!!

…BUT WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW?!

So…now…5 days ago…a stay was sought in that ruling to delay it. Who was this sought by? Prince William County’s Circuit Court clerk, Michelle B. McQuigg. The argument from her camp?

“The delay would ‘ensure the orderly resolution of the important constitutional question presented in this case, while avoiding uncertainty for the public and irreparable injury to the commonwealth”

 

Injury…riiiiiiight. Without this stay approved, marriage licenses for Virginia LGBT couples could be issued in 21 days after the ruling.

As of yesterday, the Plaintiffs of this case want the federal appeals court to allow gay marriages to happen before the Supreme Court can rule. Their argument?

“The right to marry is fundamental, and thus Virginia’s marriage prohibition irreparably harms the plaintiffs–appeallees– and all gay men and lesbians in the commonwealth–each day that it remains in force”

 

Interesting, yes? Well if you want to know more, just tune into your nationally syndicated news outlet because it’s ALL anyone is talking about. Keep the faith… Believe this will happen… Keep making changes.

A Letter to LGBT Lovers…From A Straight Girl

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It’s amazing to me…seeing you in love… I just celebrated my first anniversary on Sunday… Love truly is amazing, especially when you have to fight for it…

I love your fight…your perseverance…your persistence…your passion and will…it’s beautiful being able to see you hold hands in public with the one you love…no shame…no secrets…I understand secrecy…just in a different form…

Your strength and resilience is inspiring in so many ways…it’s nice to see people slowly accepting your love…and I’m sure you’re happy as well…

In a way, it makes me jealous…the PDA…the fact that I can sense the love in your auras…I wish that heterosexuals could be forward with how they feel sometimes…and some of them are, it’s just…different.

My friend told me, “Gays are more open to PDA, because we had to work much harder to get it”… is that true? It’s beautiful…how you flaunt your significant others for the world to see…

Never stop loving…I’m sure you won’t…but don’t stop. The world is listening…we’re slowly understanding…be happy…love who you want…

If no one else supports your love and happiness…I do.

-Ayanna <3

What’s Trending: Are You Gay Or Nah?

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I was having a discussion with my friend the other day and he was frustrated by the debate he and his coworkers had. Apparently, they believe that he chose to be gay and he wasn’t born that way. Well, of course he was deeply disturbed, pleading with me, “If I had a choice, do you think I’d be gay?! All the sh*t we get? All the hate that we endure? I wouldn’t change in a heart beat!”

My heart broke for him. As he and I were talking, he mentioned something intriguing to me.

“Although I know I was born this way, I will say that some people alter their orientation for different reasons. It’s frustrating to the rest of us because people don’t take us seriously and straight-gay people out here breaking actual gay people’s hearts in the process”

I sat and thought about that. How unfair is it to people who are genuinely in love with someone of the same sex, to be “lied” to by someone…who’s “confused”? So, I decided to research some reasons why there are some people who “play gay”.

DISCLAIMER: THIS PIECE ISN’T MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE. IT’S JUST SOMETHING THAT I FELT WAS INTERESTING.

Reasons Why Some “Play Gay”:

  • Something happened in their life that changed their outlook on sexual orientation:

There are some things in life, that change our perspective. The things that contribute to changing sexual orientation in my research were: horrible past relationships, negative home environment to children (molestation/rape), low self esteem and our society. What did I gather from my research? As far as past relationships are concerned, sometimes our hearts go through things that are hard to bounce back from. Some give up on people of the opposite sex and assume that they’ll be treated better by being homosexual. In the case of the negative home environment, as kids, some have been touched inappropriately or raped and the traumatizing “confusion” tells them that being gay is their “fate”. Self esteem is tricky, however. I had a young woman tell me that women find her more attractive, so she prefers women. Finally, with society…it’s being said that being gay is more acceptable now for TV, print and radio, than it has ever been before. That being said, more people are okay with claiming to be gay because they’re favorite celeb or someone on their favorite show is gay.

  • Being Gay Is the Newest Trend

Trend? I didn’t buy it either. But, I found a blog that touched on this subject. That blog wasn’t the only one that attempted to ask if being gay was a new trend. It’s been said that being gay is a trend because it’s something different for some people and there’s a unique type of attention that some aren’t used to. It’s an experiment. It’s hip…it’s new…it’s fun?

As far as I am concerned, my beliefs are as follows: I’m a heterosexual Christian, 23 year old woman. Although I’ve been taught to believe that being gay is an abomination, I just don’t. My love of God and serving Him and loving His people, trumps any and everything that I have ever been taught. We are all people. Everyone deserves to be able to love and be loved, regardless of sex. I know plenty who are gay…and I love them unceasingly, just as I would anyone else. I sympathize with the LGBT community simply because, there are many out there who are not open minded. In my opinion, most of them are hiding behind their ignorant fears and assumptions or worse, their “faith”. They accept certain sins but not all. I don’t really buy into the man made Bible, simply because it’s man made. However, I do draw a foundation from it and conduct my life according to what God shows me. God makes no mistakes, and if you’re born gay, than you are not a mistake. Period. I just found it interesting that there are some people who use “excuses” to claim that they’re gay, but they’re truly not.

All in all, if you’re gay…rock out. Be Bold. And Live. Be Happy.

Gay Slang: Learn It or Don’t Use It, Sis!

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“Not everything is shade. Sometimes…Well. Somethings I say…or something that is said… It’s not always meant to mean anything besides what it is”. -KidFury

The other day I was listening to The Read like I usually do and I noticed that Kid Fury has been talking about straight people using LGBT slang incorrectly. Now, I’m guilty of using gay slang and I’ve probably used it the wrong way.

Everyone uses the term “shade” nowadays…even straight men. However, a lot of times it’s used in the wrong way. So, I think there should be some clarification for those who dig the slang but are afraid to mess it up. Please do not hesitate to correct me if I’m wrong…I did some slight research.

Some slang that is popular now: Shade, Beat, Tea, Read, Serve, …simple stuff. Now, there are quite a few who don’t even know the definition of these common terms. I’ll help.

Shade: Throwing a diss in a way that those around know it’s personal. When a person is doing you wrong in some way. Ex: That b*tch is throwing shade. She’s telling everybody I’m fast and that’s not true.

Beat: Usually referring to facial makeup; when someone’s makeup is flawless. Ex: Her face is beat!

Tea: The good gossip. Point. Blank. Period. Ex. B*tch! I got all the tea and I’m finna spill!

Read: letting someone have it; to insult or criticize. There are classy reads and reads that incite fights Ex: She’s trying me! And if I see her out, I will read her ass from top to bottom!

Serve: to deliver or present yourself in a particular way. Ex: B*tch is serving Beyonce realness! Crown her King!

See…It’s little things like that, that can make all the difference. Remember, not everything is shade…never go outside looking dusty, always beat that mug…if tea is brewing, be prepared to spill…and if all else fails, always serve Beyonce realness!

 

 

“Wuthering Hearts”: An Open Letter to Our Exes

Bold & Sugar Ex 2014

Dear (Insert name here),

For a long time I have thought about what I wanted to say to you. I have narrowed it down to two words. Thank you. Thank you for letting me go. When you let me go, I was able to find myself. Thank you for pointing out my flaws. When you pointed out my flaws, I was able to see what makes me, me. Thank you for making me feel so alone when you left. When you left, I was able to see who was still standing by my side. Thank you for breaking my heart. When you broke my heart, I was able to find someone to put the pieces back together: stronger than before. Now, I’m not saying there aren’t stiltimes when I’m driving down the road and I can picture you next to me, holding my hand and smiling. I’m not saying there aren’t times when I hear a song on the radio and I’m instantly taken back to the first night we met. I’m not saying I don’t look through our old pictures from time to time. I’m not saying any of that. I simply want to say thank you. Thank you for the memories, and most of all, giving me the chance to make them with someone else.

Sincerely,

Me

“What’s the T?” Interview: Director Cecilio Asuncion & Star Vi Le

What's the T 2014 Bold & Sugar Interview(Photo Image Credit Matthew Ettinger)

“What’s the T?”, now available on Hulu, aims to explore the challenges and experiences of five transgender women. Due to the success of TV shows such as “Orange is the New Black” and “Transparent”, the transgender community is becoming a part of the mainstream consciousness.

Bold & Sugar had the pleasure of speaking with Director/Producer Cecilio Asuncion and star Vi Le. Get into our conversation below!

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